Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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