We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
