...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
