Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.