I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.