i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras