go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
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he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
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WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS