i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.