He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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