Ketchup is God's man juice
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
