I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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