Say something about gay babies.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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