you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
