I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
