It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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