Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
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Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
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So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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