you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
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