She announced her abortion via fbk
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
