if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You may now shotgun with the bride
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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