M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.