My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
