i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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