Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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