____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
