Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There r osticjed everywhere
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
