Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize