When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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