How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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