I think scott just propositioned me for sex
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
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How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
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Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize