exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
