You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
