grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
cat food counts as protein by the way
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
