I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
