I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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