so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
