im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
