No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
