Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He? As in you personified your dick?
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