I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
