i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
