Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
