I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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