forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
