There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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