just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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