The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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