I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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