a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
