Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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