I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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