I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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