On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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