I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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