Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
