I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
