Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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