It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
