His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
