i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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