y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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