Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
