Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
