Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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