Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
