All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
