I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
