I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
